I'm sick of you I

Chapter 1: Regrets

Cold came into the dungeons with the morning mist. A sense of chill into his breath. His desk was a mess. It was full of papers. His mind was out of control. Full of thoughts.

Everything inside him was a mess, like his desk, since…

Oh and again!…he couldn't forget that. Since he was confused about that "thing". About how to feel love and…

Yeah…his mind was a mess.

He closed his fingers around a piece of parchment. He was writing his ideas. He was writing his feelings.

It wasn't a diary. He only wanted to forget everything. He wanted to forget everything about her. Never mention her name again. Forget the first day that his eyes met her soft gaze. How she was smiling at him…

How she was almost kind, sweet…how she was almost perfect.

And then, just look the truth. And then, just stay awake and understand the reality. He wasn't for her and she wasn't for him.

He was silent in his thoughts. Trying not to feel the anxiety of opening the parchment again, that one that he had crumpled, and fill it again with new thoughts.

How he would face what was happening at that moment?

The only way to stop his mind was writing. Although seemed to be something "cathartic", those things only made ​​it worst.

He was thinking in the last year. Last year, the fifth year

That year was his greatest weakness.

He had begun to see it. The feeling that his last mission was so close to him. The decline of his life was about to begin. Suddenly began to feel insecure. A feeling that he had to hold on to something.

Suddenly, he began to feel weak. Unbearable for himself. Much more moody than he used to be.

He felt that suddenly, he had become an immature person. Irrational and meaningless. His humor wore out, thinking in the possibilities. He had missed many violations to the rules of the castle. He wasn't focused as before.

Why that stupid and odd fear of death?

Even though that his destination was that one, he always wondered what it would be like to die. If there couldn't be other way. Although he was dead in life, since Lily was gone. Since her heart had left him and gone to sleep in another's arms.

And then she appeared, she was already there. Only that he never was fixed on her. Only that he had never "looked" at her.

She seemed animated to help, as always. But what could he say, listening to how she confessed that she had noticed the change?

"Are you all right, sir?"

All right? How was that possible? How he supposed to be "all right" when his world was madness?

Yes, his face showed the uneasiness of the situation. Dumbledore pressed each time he needed and he did nothing but nod. Mumble and lock himself in his office. He felt that his legs no longer supported him.

But being strong was his only form of defense. He didn't need to prove anything to the rest. Nothing of friendship, love and understanding.

And then he fell, when he lost that "strength". He fell to his knees in her arms. Clung to her side and begged. He begged for her friendship. Fell as low as he could. Buried his pride in his shoes, with tears buried in her curly hair like a candy.

"I can't understand … how you can forgive a person like me. "

"I can't understand how someone like you, survive, feeling in that way. "